"Ken is scented!"
But now, let's take a brief tour through the land of what we referred to as B. Daltonia. Never underestimate the power of insanity of chain-store booksellers.
THE CAST OF THE EARLY YEARS
The Pan -- manager so referred to because of her scary resemblance to Peter Pan. An evil little sprite who liked to make people cry. She was outta there fairly soon.
Spider-Lady -- again, not named because she'd probably see this and kill us. I think it's safe to say she was a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Had a very strong attraction for The Pan. Also, she wore spider-earrings. She was pretty scary.
Kathleen -- replacement manager after The Pan left. Helped us make a mockery of sexual harrassment rules. Takes offense at Minnesotan jokes. Loves many sappy pop culture phenomena simply for the irony involved (THe Brady Bunch springs to mind.) (Also Baywatch.)
Chris B.-- He went on to become a flight attendant guy. He was blue eyed and blonde haired so we assumed he was campaigning for the Master Race. Actually, he was a philosophy major.
Rob -- all-around great guy with an affinity for Magic cards and a scary devotion to The Beatles. He also liked a lot of obscure bands who reviewed well but no one bought their albums. Everyone on the staff had a crush on him at one point. Loved the popular British show The Young Ones.
Dave -- the movie guru. Very rarely seen in social situations without his favorite Reservoir Dogs shirt. Videotaped the infamous "Bookmania" movie. Has a strong affection for Star Trek babes and counts William Shatner as his personal god.
Christina -- even-tempered, retired Naval officer. Hosted parties at her house sometimes. Insanely huge fan of Star Trek. Eventually left the family to persue newspaper publishing.
Tracey -- fun-loving Wiccan who owned a car named Car, a blue station wagon with a purple spoiler. At this point, she was going to college and requested Thursday nights off every week. She told The Pan it was for classes, but she wanted to stay home and watch Friends. Mistake #1: Dating Grunk. More on him later.
Joe -- trying so hard to be super-gay, but suceeding mostly in saying "Hullo" in a Kermit-the-Frog accent. Loved Abba. Kind of looked like an accountant. Had the messiest car this side of the Equator. Subject of the infamous "Maddonna Walk."
The Manatee -- so called because she was a human in the form of a misshapen sea creature. What's worse: she screeched a lot, and sometimes wore printed undergarments over tight white pants. She stood on a table once and scared everyone.
Kevin -- the other gay guy. Intense love of Stephen King books. Excitable at all times, except when he's depressed. Hates children with a passion. Loves ice cream and pickles. THere's pretty much no middle ground with Kevin at this point. He grows as a person later on.
Maggie -- would never fulfll her dream to become Carrie Fisher. Loved fencing. Also was Wiccan and took offense at anything that incorporated witches in pop culture (like The Wizard of Oz.)
Patty -- will eventually have her own page. There's just too much to put here.
Chris S. -- quiet employee with a penchant for accumulating "evil customer" stories. Roomed with the Moonies once. Dissed Shelly Long at a French airport. King of nonsequiter thought.
Suzanne -- free spirit. Caught on the Bookmania tape wearing sneakers and drinking Coke at the storefront. Loved Counting Crows. Pretty much a definition of Gen X.
Satan -- refused to have his picture taken. Obsessed with Danzig. Created a personal ad once: "Looking for a night of dinner and Danzig?" Terror followed him wherever he went.
Kirk -- He had no TV, a point he liked to bring up at every oppurtunity. "It's pretty sad about the dying children in Ethiopia, eh, Kirk?" "No, I don't own a TV." Upon learning of Kevin's gayness, uttered the words, "I've known the best of both worlds." Pretension personified.
Early Years Links & Stuff
The Bookmania Video
That 70's Party
The Bookmania TV series
Miscillanea
