Tracey -- Finally a store manager. Ruled with a mercinary hand (i.e., tried desperately to keep staff in order, realizing soon that it was impossible to do.) Slept on a lounge chair in the back room. Got drunk after work a lot. The subject of a birthday poem by Kevin and A.J.
Louella -- Annoying assistant manager everyone hated. Smoked a lot. Had two children she didn't much care for. Attempted a lot of sexual innuendo that just came out crass and unfunny. Pretended to read lots of books. Further pretended to know what the word "satirical" meant.
Hubert -- Tracey's Mistake #2. Very fun guy for a long time, until we discovered he was just a pack of lies wrapped in human skin. Still, he had much humor value. Such as putting Sarah Michelle Gellar as his beneficiary for life insurance.
Sally -- the dryest sense of humor on the planet. Has a scary affection for John Wayne and Frank Sinatra. Reads old Russian novels and actually likes them. Is not a militant Christian. Loves Nomar Garciaparra, of the Boston Red Sox. Co-founder of The Doubleday Haikus.
A.J. -- art-boy. Paints pictures of odd looking women. Wrote a bizarre novel about bastards in his spare time. Has a key-chain with a grain of rice that reads "crack-whore." Co-wrote the Tracey song. Afraid of winged monkeys.
Kevin -- writer-boy. Co-founder of The Doubleday Haikus. Introduced Barenaked Ladies to everyone else on the staff, a major coup. Enjoyed Yoo-Hoo and hot dogs from Store 24 every afternoon. Has a scary infatuation with Jeremy Piven. Begins most sentences with "SAY!"
